her vagine was all disorganized.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
