shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Sorry about my life...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
