I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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