no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
