I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
