I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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