I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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