If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
