8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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