Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
