Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think I sprained my soul last night
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
