i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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