i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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