Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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