The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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