dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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