He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
