Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
