butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
