New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize