Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
