fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
