Already got asked if we're dating
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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