I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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