she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
