well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
it's like iHOP with fire
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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