So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
