Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
