First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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