I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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