Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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