Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
