I wanna passion pit in your ass
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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