i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize