You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
