it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
