I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
