I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
