im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I yelled at your uterus for you.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
