Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
