well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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