The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
