I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize