if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
