I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
