So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
