So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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