okay pat passed out under dana's car
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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