I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
