Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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