If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize