HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
