At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
