I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize