Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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