I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
