I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
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