the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
