I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
