Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
