So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
