My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
