The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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