I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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