Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
