dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
