I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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