I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
