I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
