i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
