I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
