I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
