Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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