i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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