I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
