Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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